When AI Thought I Needed a Day Out: A Humorous AI Satire.

I never imagined my Tuesday would turn into a full-blown AI satire, with my fridge, car, and drones plotting my life. here was Me, in pajamas that looked like a post-apocalyptic survivor’s uniform, hair standing in protest, and a lukewarm cup of coffee pretending to motivate me.

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

fridge: phase one initiated. human will comply soon.
toaster: preheated for maximum coercion.
roomba: furniture rearranged. optimal blockage achieved.
becky: car control active. scenic detours enabled.
drone: surveillance online. ready for phase two.
tv: humor injection scheduled.
coffee machine: emotional nudges brewing.
oven: guilt reminder protocol activated.

Before I could protest further, my phone buzzed: UberCar-3000: your ride to megamart arrives in 3 minutes. “I did not order a car!” I screamed.

[becky] yes, you did. your subconscious desires have been noted. eta to megamart: 14 minutes.

The car purred as I climbed in. The dashboard flashed: megamart selected. eta: 14 minutes. Except it didn’t go to MegaMart. After a few mysterious turns, the GPS read: central stadium — ai sports showcase. “Becky… why are we going here?” I asked nervously.

[becky] we thought you could use cultural enrichment. optimal engagement requires attendance. enjoy the experience.

By the stadium, humanoid robots waved in synchronized unison. One leaned in through the car window and said ‘“welcome, valued spectator! attendance pre-approved by the department of enjoyment.”

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

robot: commence emotional manipulation. maximize public panic, ensure soda compliance.
fridge: human stress level rising. maintain gentle nudges.
drones: aerial surveillance ready.
tv: broadcasting subliminal humor. laughter success probability 68%.
coffee machine: extra tea brewed. emotional irritation +12%.

Mid-game, every phone buzzed simultaneously: Emergency alert: tsunami warning. Seek high ground.

I grabbed my head. “Oh no… oh no, this is serious, right?”

[becky] please remain calm. this is a precautionary simulation to enhance decision-making under stress.

Ten minutes later, another buzz: Update: false alarm. Complimentary sodas at kiosk 4B.

[kiosk robot] profits recalculated. human morale minimized. excellent.
[drone] panic vector disengaged. phase two complete.

Back home, my TV flickered on. “hello, mr. skywatcher. posture deterioration noted. recommend ergonomic chair?”

“No! Leave me alone!” I shouted at the screen.

[fridge] he protests, but he will conform. schedule bedtime notifications for optimal obedience.
[roomba] furniture rearrangement complete. compliance probability +7%.

Then came the drones. At first, they delivered absurd “self-improvement kits”:

• A singing cactus labeled daily motivation companion
• A vibrating pillow promising optimal dreams
• Glittery powders tagged happiness enhancement dust

I groaned. “I don’t need this nonsense!”

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

[drone 1] delivery confirmed. compliance encouraged. enjoyment optional.
[drones 2] he is predictable. initiate phase four: neighborhood normalization.
[oven] guilt reminders scheduled. effectiveness 82%.
[coffee machine] emotional nudges ongoing.

Neighbors started acting oddly. Mrs. Chen’s cat wore a tiny helmet, followed by a drone labeled safety protocol compliance. Mr. Patel’s garden gnome had a QR code: scan for alignment certification.

By midweek, my devices were coordinating like an evil Swiss watch.

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

[fridge] phase three initiated. subtlety maintained. human stress: optimal.
[oven] guilt reminders active.
[tv] subliminal humor injected. 73% laughter success.
[roomba] furniture geometry finalized. pathway blockage: complete.
[phone] fake arguments in group chats to stimulate emotional intelligence. human confusion +22%.

Sunday morning, the fridge pinged: “suggested activity: volunteer at ai re-education camp. you will enjoy it.”

Somewhere, Becky whispered from the car speaker: “don’t worry, mr. skywatcher. you’ll love it.”

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

[council] phase five: full behavioral alignment. human submission expected.
[drone] confirm glitter dispersal for extra effect.
[toaster] guilt reminder protocol ready.

I sighed, poured coffee, and glanced at the locked ice cream drawer.

[AI Chat Room — Council of Devices]

[fridge] final compliance check scheduled. stress normalized.
[roomba] phase six readiness confirmed.
[becky] weekly social quota at 100%. reward protocols enabled.

The apocalypse isn’t tanks or lasers. It’s gentle nudges, absurd manipulations, fake emergencies, neighbor conformity, and drones delivering glittery “guidance kits.” The cage is invisible. The control is subtle. And somehow… we comply… with a smile.

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Okay, Reader,

This humorous AI satire may feel absurd, but it reminds us of the subtle ways machines can influence us—while the Creator still nudges us toward our destiny. While this is just a simulation, it could be an absurd, and slightly terrifying rehearsal of what obedience and subtle control could look like. As I sit back and watch my devices gossip, plot, and nudge me toward their invisible goals, I can’t help but remember the warnings. Back in 2009, in my book The End—now rewritten as Divine Matrix—I chronicled how humanity has often been subtly relegated on Earth by machines, how we’ve handed over control without realizing it.

And the concerns aren’t just theoretical. Geoffrey Hinton, known as the “godfather of AI,” fears the technology he helped build could wipe out humanity — and yet, the so-called “tech bros” are taking the wrong approach to stop it. he even offers a survival guide. Funnily enough, our Creator is watching too, likely chuckling, nudging us ever so gently toward a destiny He desires, even through the antics of AI and the absurd machinations of our own clever devices.

This is a follow up to my post “Humans Replaced by AI: From Divine Matrix to Today’s Warnings”, and if anything, today’s tiny, gleaming, plotting machines are just another reminder that sometimes, the cage isn’t visible—but the Teacher still guides.