The Big Bang Roast — Heavenly Edition
Heaven’s theater. God and Jesus in front row. Two angels on stage: Angel Science and Angel Question. A giant Earth TV (100” smart) stands center stage.
Angel Science: Welcome! Here’s the story:
“In the beginning… there was nothing.”
Then — BOOM! The Big Bang! A random explosion creating space, time, and matter.
Angel Question (pointing at TV): Hey! You stole that Earth TV, didn’t you?
Angel Science: Borrowed. Cloned it actually. No one’s missing their 100-inch… maybe a 55-inch somewhere. I’ll grab that later!
(Laughter)
Angel Question: Nothing explodes? Like my grandma’s radio? Did it come with a warranty?
(Laughter)
Angel Science: Earth was a molten lava ball — then cooled perfectly.
Angel Question: Goldilocks must’ve rented it: “Not too hot, not too cold.”
(Laughter)
Angel Science: Volcanoes belched gases. Earth “farted” atmosphere. Oceans formed.
Angel Question: Chemical soup got a recipe on YouTube?
Why just here, not Saturn?
(Laughter)
Angel Science:
Lucky place, lucky time.
Angel Question: Luck like winning a lottery on Mars.
Angel Science: Dinosaurs came, went; humans invented taxes and pineapple pizza.
Angel Question: Pineapple pizza — the universe’s biggest prank.
(Laughter)
Angel Science: Random mutation explains all.
Angel Question: Yet it fits perfectly — like cosmic Netflix.
Jesus: Season two coming soon.
God (grinning): Humans think they’re writers — I’m the producer.
(Laughter)
Angel Science: No gaps — just unsolved mysteries.
Angel Question: Those mysteries make the best jokes.
(Laughter)
Angel Science (holding remote): Let’s watch Big Bang reruns.
Angel Question: Remote stuck on “Natural Selection” marathon?
Jesus: No commercials either!
God laughs, stands.
God: Enough for today — this comedy’s too much. I’m off for a walk.
Keep the show going!
(Laughter)
God exits chuckling; lights dim.
So maybe the Big Bang happened. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe we’re piecing together the cosmos with a broken yardstick—man years trying to measure God years. The creation theory says there’s design and intent; science says there’s expansion and chance. But what if both are true in ways our little mortal heads can’t yet grasp? Because with God, time bends, logic folds, and even chaos can be calculated. So yes, the Big Bang could be just about right… but let’s not pretend we’ve got all the answers when some of the biggest gaps still leave even angels in stitches.
